Home' Phillip Island and San Remo Advertiser : November 25 2015 Contents PAGE 26 - THE ADVERTISER, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2015
WITH some trepidation I ap-
proached the prison doors on
Sunday, November 15 for the Pen-
sioners' Concert: after all, I am a
pensioner and a member of U3A
and there were many of my col-
leagues here in the slammer, some
for fairly minor offences.
Babs for instance, was simply
in her gopher heading for Woo-
lies, desperate for a packet of
Tim Tams, when she accidentally
skittled two skateboarders off the
pavement. Oh dear, the fuss that
ensued, with the magistrate show-
ing no mercy whatsoever.
There again, it's hardly Sylvia's
fault that she had trouble explain-
ing why she was still married to
one man when she was still mar-
ried to another.
I can fully understand why Lind-
sey is behind bars, however, be-
cause his "Knock Knock" jokes are
simply awful and he needed to be
locked up for his own good.
Luckily I made it into the audito-
rium without incident and settled
down to enjoy the U3A Choir which
had come along to entertain the
John Perrin's choice for the
opening number was interesting
under the circumstances I thought,
but nevertheless it was a great ren-
dition of "Jail House Rock".
Having seen the choir exit
through a door leading to the great
outside world, it occurs to the pris-
oners that a performance of their
own could provide a means of es-
And what a performance it was: I
don't believe I have ever been in an
auditorium where there was such
consistent laughter as the "True
Story of the Ugly Sisters", Ugliana
and Evenuglia, unfolded.
We are asked to imagine that we
have been transported to Rockbot-
tom Hall, Manor House of Baron
Moneybags, in an obscure King-
dom, in some obscure time in the
Taking centre stage and accom-
panied by their Nanny Pinchmole,
twin sisters Ugliana and Evenuglia,
give true meaning to the word ugly.
The Baron announces he is broke
and the Baroness decides to marry
one of her ugly daughters off in or-
der to solve their money problems.
I'm sure by now you've realised
where this story is leading.
Yes, there's a Cinderella, a Prince
Charming and a Fairy Godmother,
but not to be compared with any
portrayal you may have seen in the
The Minister for Balls arrives with
a proclamation from His Royalness,
who, having come of age, reckons
it's about time to get hitched and
settle down. All unmarried ladies
are ordered to visit the palace to at-
tend the masked ball.
Seeing this as an opportunity
of a lifetime, the Baroness begins
to make plans to spruce up her
daughters with hot baths, padding
for Ugliana, corsets for Evenuglia,
facials and pedicures.
Then they remember Cinders
who is hidden away in a dark, dingy
kitchen and ask whether she is to
be included. We all know the an-
swer to that question and so enters
the Fairy Godmother, declaring that
she has plenty of surprises up her
Cinders gets to the ball of course,
thanks to a pumpkin, mice, lizards
and a sparkling new dress with
The Minister for Balls introduces
Cinderella to the Prince, who says:
"Oh, Hi, Cinders. Just call me
And so, love is born, as hearing
the clock strike twelve, Cinders
runs from the ball, leaving behind
one green slipper.
The search is then on throughout
the Kingdom as the Prince and Min-
ister for Balls try to find the owner
of the slipper.
Despite the aid of bolt-cutters and
nail clippers, it becomes obvious
that Ugliana and Evenuglia are nev-
er going to be the ones to claim the
slipper and therefore, the Prince's
The Fairy Godmother releases
Cinderella from a cupboard, she
limps/clomps into the Prince's arms
and they live happily ever after......
Phillip Island U3A wishes to
thank everyone associated with
making the 2015 Annual Concert
a great success. It is a huge task
pulling together a production such
as this, involving many months of
planning and rehearsals. All the
blood, sweat and tears dissipates,
however, with the sound of laughter
and appreciation from an audience
and we thank those who shared the
day with us.
We are extremely grateful to the
Lions Club of Phillip Island for their
generous sponsorship as well as a
donation of two $50 vouchers as
prizes for the raffle.
A big thank you to:-
• John Adam, for donating one of
his special paintings as first prize.
• Ann Don for a night’s accom-
modation at the Casablanca Phillip
Island Bed and Breakfast
• Cowes Newsagency for books.
By the way, the pensioners (pris-
oners) did manage to sneak out
with the choir, so watch out for
Babs next time she takes her go-
pher down the street.
By Margaret Smith
U3A's 'Pensioners in the
Slammer' concert was the P.I.T.S.
U3A choir member Anna van Caem enjoying the
concert with her proud father Harry who recently
Evenuglia (David Mann), Nanny Pinchmole (Ursula Burley) and Ugliana (Lew-
is Porta) agree that there are no high expectations in the marriage market for
The U3A choir conducted by John Perrin entertained an enthusiastic and
capacity audience with a wide variety of traditional songs.
The Stagecraft Group together with the Creative Writers Group provided great
entertainment and laughter using the theme PITS (pensioners in the slammer).
Fairy Godmother (Babs Kerrison) claims that she
has many surprises up her wand.
HERE are the week's results
for the Aussie Golf Ranch.
Sunday Competition Stabl-
eford, winner Neil Bentley H/
Cap 14 38 points, 2nd Doug
Collins H/Cap 20 34 points
NTP 5th David Rosenbrock,
14th Larry Ross.
All Golf Link holders wel-
come for Sunday Competition
9am at guest fees.
Weekly Pitch and Putt win-
ners Evelyn Cameron and
Gabby Forsythe 25 nett.
NTP 9th Doug Collins.
Pitch and Putt hole in one
Doug Collins 2nd.
This takes Doug to 53 pitch
and putt hole in ones.
Friday Golf Special, pay for
9 holes, play unlimited.
Aussie Golf Ranch
MIDWEEK bowls was played
at San Remo last week with 23
There was only one two-
It was a sponsored day by
Garth Lisle, Property Consul-
tants of San Remo, and bowl-
ers thank them for their spon-
sorship and prizes given out
by Scott Letherbridge, their
The winners were skipped
by Margaret Royle with Sandra
Read, Pauline McWilliams and
skipped by Peter McWilliams
with Pat Schenholm and Ron
The best one-game winners
were skipped by Geoff Ryan
with Lyn Hodson and Reg Ex-
The San Remo club mem-
bers provide a warm welcome
each time Midweek bowlers
use their facilities.
the weather was just great for
The next game is at Koo
Wee Rup, so come and join
in at 10.45am for teams to be
picked for an 11am start.
Everyone is welcome and
please all keep well and happy
• Midweek Bowls
The South Gippsland Veterans Golf Association held their Annual Championship Event last week. SGVGA president Peter
Horman ,Kevin Bayley and John Monk Secretary are pictured during proceedings.
THE weather was favourable and the
course was in great condition on Thurs-
day, November 12 at the Cowes Golf
Course for the South Gippsland Veterans
Golf Association annual championship
The winner of the A Grade Stroke Event
was Kevin Flett of Foster with Phillip Is-
land golfers to the fore in most other sec-
Results: A Grade Stroke Kevin Flett
(Foster) 80/8/72, A Grade Hcp Stuart
Hamilton (Phillip Island) 85/15/70, B
Grade Stroke Pat Garry (Phillip Island)
84/19/65, B Grade Hcp Laurie Downward
(Phillip Island) 88/20/68, C Grade Stroke
John Mahony (Phillip Island) 96/23/73, C
Grade Hcp Tom Jacobson (Phillip Island
(102/33/69, and over 80s Champion John
Watt (Phillip Island) 92/22/70. Player of
the Year Kevin Bayley (Wonthaggi).
Islanders high up in vets golf
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